For the past few days the urge to resign from my job escalated. I will leave the million reasons out. The details don't matter. I'm just not happy doing what I am doing. That is all there is to know (the details are important but they are boring).
I'm not sure if it's fair to say that the pandemic is behind this feeling but the pandemic has heightened feelings, wants and dreams (I am unashamedly self-indulgent and would be more so if I had the financial means). I use the word "heightened" because I've always been someone who's very aware life is finite and wrong choices (and I made a few) are such a waste of time. I lost loved ones too early. I've never taken things for granted.
My pandemic life:
- The pandemic separated me from my mother for 18 months (last week I did a 24 hour trip to Portugal to pick her up)
- I re-united (online) with a long lost cousin. This happened in January 2020 and we found out we have the same nightmare-ish job and had a good laugh at how similar we are and talked about our families (mostly long gone; her being older than me she can remember more than myself)
- I started to work from home (I love this and get to spend time with my dog, but it doesn't change that the job is not for me.
- I had a few meltdowns, aka, mental health issues. Nothing absolutely major but it made me wonder if it was "just" pandemic induced or perimenopause. I'm not sure as yet.
- I've barely left the area near my house fearing that my dog could be "dognapped" - I miss the lakes and the woods.
- I've put weight on despite exercising more than I've ever done in my life
That's pretty much the above. It seems like Groundhog Day movie type of life. It's OK. It's been a new experience.
I've done enough in 2019 to last me 2 years but I am starting to feel restless.
Being on a plane after so long wasn't fun. I travelled by myself since my 20's and my heart was racing, I made the most stupid mistake with the boarding gate (poor eyesight didn't help). The mistake was rectified with a race to the right boarding gate.
Today after work I resumed my exercise routine Walking Online Workouts (vhx.tv) (I had a minor accident - I sliced my finger - don't ask). Then I had a walk with mum and my dog. Cooked the best piri piri chicken in ages (shop seasoned, so I just had to grill it - it was glorious).
Books:
I'm still reading the same book series. 44 Scotland Street by Alexander McCall Smith. Because it's fun, it's easy, it's clever. Best books for a pandemic.
I really wish I could read faster. I can't. My mind is too noisy. I need bedtime to read.
I also haven't finished Men in Kilts with Sam Heughan and Graham McTavish.
Dream:
house by the sea. (More on that on next blogs - maybe).
Fun things:
my mum gave a dragon like snore while I was on a business call.
Mum attempted to keep up with my exercise. Glad no one watching (or perhaps it's a shame it was caught on film).
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